Last updated Wednesday, 25-Feb-2009 10:07:34 MST

The good news is that Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is treatable and, in the words of a psychiatrist friend, “eminently curable.” Unfortunately, knowing this does not make it easier for family members or friends to watch while PTSD distorts their loved one.

So, here’s a guide for you - the parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, lovers and others who suffer along with us.

Knowledge is power. Understanding the process of a triggering event, the psychic reaction to trauma, the warning signs and symptoms as well as available treatment options for PTSD allows you to help recognize, support and guide your PTSD loved one through diagnosis, treatment and healing. We PTSD experiencers are experiencing a severe psychic unraveling.

We need you to be clearheaded, pulled together and informed.

Trauma changes us. When I was released from the hospital I ran forward and did not look back. I wanted to believe – as did my family – that life could return to the way it had been; that I was who I had been . . . This is not how it works. Trauma leaves an indelible impact on the soul. It is not possible to endure trauma without experiencing a psychic shift.

Do not expect us to be the same person we were before. Accept our need to evolve and support us on the journey.

PTSD hijacks our identity. One of the largest problems with PTSD is that it takes over our entire view of ourselves. We no longer see ourselves clearly. We no longer see the world as we experienced it before trauma. Now every moment is dangerous, unpredictable and threatening.

It will fall to observers to gently remind us and offer opportunities that allow us to engage in an identity outside of trauma and PTSD.

We cannot just “get over it.” From the outside it is easy to imagine that a certain amount of time passes, memories fade and trauma gets relegated to the history of a life. Unfortunately, with PTSD nothing fades. Our bodies will not let us forget. Because of rushing chemicals that reinforce every memory, we cannot walk away from the past anymore than you can walk away from us.

Honor our struggle to make peace with events. Do not rush us. Trying to speed our recovery will only increase the trauma response.

We cannot help how we behave. Since we are operating on a sort of autopilot we are not always in control. PTSD is an exaggerated state of survival mode. We experience emotions that frighten and overwhelm us, causing us to overreact.

Be patient with us; we often cannot stop the anger, tears or other disruptive behaviors.

We’re not in denial - we’re coping! It takes a tremendous amount of effort to live with PTSD. When you approach us and we deny a problem, that is code for, “I am doing the best I can.” Sometimes, taking the actions you suggest would require more energy than we can spare, dividing focus from what is currently holding us together. Even if we do not admit it, we know there is something wrong. It does not help for you to increase the release of stress chemicals by attacking us.

Sometimes simply getting up and continuing our daily routine is the biggest step toward recovery we make.

Your presence matters. PTSD creates a great sense of isolation. In our struggle, it makes a difference to know that there are people who stand by us. It makes a difference to know that you are still there even though we lash out, fail to respond, and do not act like ourselves. Do not shrink away, hide, or fail to approach us.

We need you. Stick with us!

No matter how long the recovery process takes, it is possible to overcome trauma and PTSD. It is also possible for PTSDers to preserve relationships with the people who matter most. To do this, we need you to give us some room, cut us some slack, understand our struggle and stick with us. In the darkness of PTSD, you are beacons of light, love, and compassion. It is not easy, but on behalf of all PTSD sufferers, I thank you for making the effort!

Michele Rosenthal is a survivor of trauma and chronic-extreme PTSD. She advocates for education, awareness and the unity of the PTSD community. She blogs about overcoming and healing PTSD at Parasites of the Mind. Contact her via email.

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